I Burn Corn - Forum

Subject: A Prayer for Dads - by: BobMac

BobMac — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 09:09:14 +0100

This is just too beautiful not to share.

"Dear God,
This year please send clothes for all those poor ladies on
Daddy's computer.
Amen."

Subject: How Forums Work - by: jabbott

jabbott — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 23:03:39 +0100

Subject: A Christmas Story - by: BobMac

BobMac — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 08:58:31 +0100

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Subject: “Jesus Knows You're Here...!!!" - by: BobMac

BobMac — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 20:22:25 +0100

A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around, looking
for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin,
clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more,
after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so
he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed
at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked,
'I'm just trying to warn you that he is
watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,
huh? Who in the world are you ?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a
Rottweiler Jesus.'

Subject: My dog... - by: steadywoman

steadywoman — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 20:09:48 +0100

Please be advised I am sick of receiving questions about my dog, who mauled
3 Muslims sitting on a rug next to my back wall, 6 illegals wearing Obama
t-shirts, 4 Democrats wearing Pelosi t-shirts, 2 rappers, 5 phone operators
who asked me to press #1 for English, 9 teenagers with their pants hanging
down past their cracks, 8 customer service desk people speaking in broken
English, 10 flag burners, and a Pakistani taxi driver.

For the last time...THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!!!

Subject: New joke page - by: steadywoman

steadywoman — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 19:30:04 +0100

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.